China's First Competetive Eaters "Relish" Hot Dog Challenge
As amusing as Chinese people eating hot dogs sound (in fact that sounds down right hilarious), I have to give a kick in the shins to MSNBC for trying to be punny/funny. You're like a Mexican and a Wal-Mart rolled all into one. Taking blogger's jobs to riff on the news and monopolizing everything else in journalism. For shame Chris Matthews, for shame.
But on the other hand, newsman have been punning around (I have no clue what that means) since newsreels started filming dog shows in the 40s. You wouldn't believe how many puns you can make involving canines. Like how this "dog-gone" article is just tickling my funny "bone". God, I feel fucking filthy like an airport whore. I need to take a shower.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
Becausy May 21st was just an "invisible" judgement day.
Radio Host Now Says Judgement Day Coming In October
California preacher and radio host Harold Camping predicted with utmost certainty that the judgement day was coming on May 21st. He was so sure of it that he had it plastered on more than 5,000 billboards and 20 RVs all across the country. When the day came to pass, this douchebag was, quote, "flabbergasted" that his prophecy did not come to pass. Furthering his statement, Captain Asshat said that May 21st was an "invisible" judgement day and the real judgement day is October 21st. Apparently, the heavenly father was only "practicing". When God was questioned further on this matter, he replied, "Psyche! No seriously though, the world as you all know it is ending in October. You all better get your shit together cause' I'm goin' all old testament on you motherfuckers. Yahweh out!"
California preacher and radio host Harold Camping predicted with utmost certainty that the judgement day was coming on May 21st. He was so sure of it that he had it plastered on more than 5,000 billboards and 20 RVs all across the country. When the day came to pass, this douchebag was, quote, "flabbergasted" that his prophecy did not come to pass. Furthering his statement, Captain Asshat said that May 21st was an "invisible" judgement day and the real judgement day is October 21st. Apparently, the heavenly father was only "practicing". When God was questioned further on this matter, he replied, "Psyche! No seriously though, the world as you all know it is ending in October. You all better get your shit together cause' I'm goin' all old testament on you motherfuckers. Yahweh out!"
We're Gonna Need A Better Boat!
Titanic Memorial Cruise
Coinciding with the 100th year anniversary of the Titanic's destruction and the release of Winslet boobies in three dimensions, a UK based travel company (Winslet is British too! A coincidence? I think not!) is offering three separate cruises to memorialize the Titanic's maiden voyage. All three cruises are set to destinations and paths that are important to the history of Titanic. The main cruise will commemorate the centennial of the ship's ill fated voyage and will be departing from New York to the site where Leonardo Di Caprio drowned.
This has got to be the worst idea ever. It's like memorializing the victims of Hurricane Katrina by putting the survivors in a wind tunnel. Imagine you're a deceased Titanic victim whose spirit is roaming the seas next to that giant ice cube. You see a boat full of people up come up to you and you can't help but to think that they're secretly saying to themselves, "Wow, it sure must of sucked to be one of those drowning people. What with all their lungs filling up with water, slowly being asphyxiated by the cruel cold sea. I'm sure glad we're safe on our 21st century boat where in a hundred years time they sure made advances with metallurgy."
I can almost smell the irony a year ahead if something happens to any of those cruises.
Coinciding with the 100th year anniversary of the Titanic's destruction and the release of Winslet boobies in three dimensions, a UK based travel company (Winslet is British too! A coincidence? I think not!) is offering three separate cruises to memorialize the Titanic's maiden voyage. All three cruises are set to destinations and paths that are important to the history of Titanic. The main cruise will commemorate the centennial of the ship's ill fated voyage and will be departing from New York to the site where Leonardo Di Caprio drowned.
This has got to be the worst idea ever. It's like memorializing the victims of Hurricane Katrina by putting the survivors in a wind tunnel. Imagine you're a deceased Titanic victim whose spirit is roaming the seas next to that giant ice cube. You see a boat full of people up come up to you and you can't help but to think that they're secretly saying to themselves, "Wow, it sure must of sucked to be one of those drowning people. What with all their lungs filling up with water, slowly being asphyxiated by the cruel cold sea. I'm sure glad we're safe on our 21st century boat where in a hundred years time they sure made advances with metallurgy."
I can almost smell the irony a year ahead if something happens to any of those cruises.
Now I Can See Kate Winslet's Boobs In 3-D!
'Titanic' 3-D to Be Released In 2012
A movie once made famous by veteran actors Leonard Di Caprio and Kate Winslet, Titanic is getting a once over with the now ever-so-popular effect of three dimensions. Winslet's tits, as seen in such films as The Reader, Sense & Sensibility, and Little Children, are now going to be staring the audience right in the face. Well, let's hope so because the only reason men in the 90s went to see the film was the promise of PG-13 boobies. More than likely, its going to be more of a diorama 3-D effect much akin to Disney's Up. So think of these tits as if a third grader put them in a shoebox.
A movie once made famous by veteran actors Leonard Di Caprio and Kate Winslet, Titanic is getting a once over with the now ever-so-popular effect of three dimensions. Winslet's tits, as seen in such films as The Reader, Sense & Sensibility, and Little Children, are now going to be staring the audience right in the face. Well, let's hope so because the only reason men in the 90s went to see the film was the promise of PG-13 boobies. More than likely, its going to be more of a diorama 3-D effect much akin to Disney's Up. So think of these tits as if a third grader put them in a shoebox.
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